My Wife Journal # 5

04/25/2023 1:47pm

 

            It’s been a minute since I’ve written. I have been busy with ministry. Happy to say I just finished my first teaching!!! It went well after the fact of me realizing that I was also learning in the midst of teaching. I almost cried! Like anyone that knows me, knows that I don’t cry much in the open, but I cry a lot behind closed doors. I mean a lot! I cry for lost soul, I cry for the bride of Christ, I cry for others, I cry for myself, family. I cry a lot, because of my mantle. So just FYI, if you’re just now tuning in this journal is a wife journal. Where I am making the journal to future hubby about what I deal with, along with life, and what all is involved in this world I live in. With not too much being revealed but enough for you or any reader to get the point. To understand what it looks like in a lens of someone who knows that they are a wife, because he that findeth a WIFE, well you know you can finish the rest. But anyway, I want anyone to also know that this is my journal so let me speak my truth! I find solace in writing, even with these long nails I got on. I don’t even know how I type with these things on. I like to type better than doing the voiceover, because it’s more thought meaning to typing a letter. Writing things down you can put things into motion. I write to God often and let him know my desires my thoughts and I would encourage anyone else to start that journey as well. Journaling is therapeutic for the spirit. But let’s get back to the subject at hand:

 

            So yes, my teaching I thought did not go as well when I was in action. I mean everything lined up so perfect leading up to the actual moment that I walked to start speaking. So, I had two cameras checked both of them that they were functioning correctly and doubled checked them the day of. Everything was great. Cool! Then Boom, one of the cameras started acting up in one function that I really wanted and then it kept saying the battery was on 5%. So, I’m like ok, well I just use this function than no big deal. So, I get set up, get ready to walk on and I am praying and then I get tense. Started kinda like getting nervous, wasn’t nervous at all leading up. After getting in the groove and rebuking the enemy, and saying holy spirit have your way is when it flowed. But the kicker of it all is that not one camera stopped working, both cameras stopped working well before I was finished with my teaching. Some how some way both cameras went dead, I could just about lost it. Lol!!! I was like oh no, that was month’s worth of studying, and to not get almost 20 more min left of the teaching was heart breaking, because I’m like what now? So, I was like, I only have 15 min left to cram 20min of teaching. So at this point I’m feeling like God is testing me to see if I can get the teaching in and overcome adversity with grace. So, I got the cameras back up running and tried to record. And then here come the people coming to see if I was done because the rental was up. So, I kinda brushed her off and was like I’m going to keep going. But no later, than when I brushed her off, I was thinking to myself, like this is not a test. Because I can’t rush God’s word in like this. So, to a point I felt a little defeated. I wanted to cry, like I said earlier. I was like what am I going to do, I mean I guess I could finish it at home, but that’s the whole reason I got a venue. So, I scratched that idea. Then I thought, well I guess I can mix and match what I have and edit the video to make it into a short teaching. I said nah, that’s not going to work. So, at this point I’m racking my brain and I was a little on edge for about 3 hours after thing was over. And then I said a prayer to the Lord after staying up until 3 am trying to make it up in my mind to go ahead and finish my teaching at my desk, and to just realize this is not working, so I went to sleep. But I just said, Lord reveal to me what to do next, because I don’t know what to do. Give me what to do while I sleep, so I know what to do next. Woke up the next day, and started receiving revelation of what to do, as I uploaded what I did have and watched it. The Holy Spirit started speaking to me on what to do. And come to find out, I did not even have to touch the part of the video that I was going to initially edit. So, the entire video is going to be used along with the other part that the holy spirit revealed to me on what to do next. If you would like to check it out, you can see the full video at this link.

            So, what about that other 20 minute of teaching that I had left to teach on? Well, that part of the teaching was for me. It was for me to understand the entire scope of the teaching in order to actually teach and show the teaching in action. Didn’t know that at first, but now I know. God is truly a blessing. I will forever be a student in His classroom no matter what mantle I carry. I learned how God can show and teach so gracefully. I really had one of those ooooooooooh moments, okay so this is what you meant?! Lol.

            I think that this is one of those moments where I need to end this journal while I’m ahead, only because I have so many other things I have to get done. But I’ll be back soon.

 

Your Wife