My Wife Journal #3

04/11/2023

 

 

          I was thinking about some things today that has to do with what God is doing in me. And I would have to say that I don’t understand what is going on 90% of the time. I do know that God has been teaching me how to live from day to day, which refers to lean not on your own understanding. It’s funny at one point, I had what I thought was so much control over my life, that in reality it was really falling apart behind the scenes. I didn’t know that until it happened. So, I am learning to understand that it’s a lot that God does tell me, but there is a whole lot more he does not, and of course we all know that, but it's easier said than actually walking in that truth and surrendering your all to a God you have never seen. What trips me out though is that this generation has never seen the God they serve in flesh form, but we all serve a (G)god, whether we realize it or not.

          But anyway, back to what I was saying, so I was just thinking about some other things that I thought of. And I have been in the gym often as of lately, and still doing the things I spoke about in my first wife journal, and it came to me about another part I found myself doing. And that is walking more into my femininity. Now when I say this, I don’t mean physically. That is already present, and being more defined, but I am noticing how I can be a quiet person. I don’t need to speak in order to make a statement. I don’t need to always raise my voice to get my point across. I’ve noticed that love will do that to you. Like ever since I understood what real love is, I started seeing how I have been valuing my standards, my choices, my values, my femininity, and how I carry myself. These were areas where I lacked when I was “in control”. So, this new submissive role I’m playing is a lot smoother because of less work.

          I can now shut things down if I feel the need to. I know how to place people in categories in my life all while showing love. I had to learn this, because I have experienced so much hate. Most times I didn’t even pay attention enough to realize the hate. Because why! Why hate, be jealous, covet, all these things when God can give you better? Has never made any sense to me. So, yeah, that is one thing you don’t have to worry about with me.

          But I did think about this, I know what it takes for me to feel a way about anything. Is when you don’t keep your word. Because even when it comes to God, His word is what we depend on to see us through. Not saying that it has to be perfect, but I am saying it needs to be as close as a mustard seed. Lol!!! Seriously, though because that’s when women start feeling insecure most times, is when you have made it to where she has to jump out of her feminine role to check on if you word is good or not. But ultimately that comes from making sure both partners are equally yoked.

          And how I can feel secure in knowing that my husband is sufficient to uphold his end is because, of what I have worked on within myself in order to avoid from attracting that type of man.

          The thing is that of course men will come, but when you walk in your true femininity, you find that you attract what your spirit is equally yoked with so, it is easier to turn down those that give red flags. You won’t just sweep the red flags under the rug in hopes that that was just that time. NO! So that is what this wife walk is all about for me.

          I asked myself this question, and it was, “how do I know that I am ready to be a wife?” Didn’t take long for me to come up with the answer. It was because I am already walking in the image of a wife physically and spiritually. Spiritually, allowing God to be my focal point because he is the groom first, I am the bride as the church. I am learning what it means to be submissive unto Christ first so that I can be submissive to my earthly husband. And then too, I keep praying for him and I hadn’t been in this element up until now. It’s a peaceful wifey space for me lol. What keeps coming to me is that my husband will find me gleaning in the field like Ruth.

          Either way, I’m ready!!! I have dreamed about this for a long time because I know true love does exist in physical form. I’ve just never had the privilege of meeting it yet. Ha I’m in rare form right now!!! Lol, here is the feminine side of me. SMH!

          So, I’m not going to hold you too long today, I just wanted to acknowledge some heart felt thoughts today.

 

 

Signed,

Your wife